Okay, since everyone is catching on to how AWESOME Maddox is, I have to bring up the fact that I have actually conversed with him via email…because he loves me! Actually, I wrote him complaining about his book and he wrote me back. But I am going to take the fact that responded for the fact that he loves me. Here’s the emails.

Mine:
I just wanted you to know that my husband has recently purchased your
book, The Alphabet of Manliness, and it is ruining my marriage. If I
have to listen to how clever it was to put a turtle as the beginning
picture of your “D is for taking a dump” chapter, which is quickly followed
with an over-said explanation on how a turtle could possibly be
revelant to doing number two, one more time, I will have to personally
destroy….you! Yes, I blame you. I have read this book of yours, and though
it is hilarious, even if somewhat sexist, okay somewhat my female ass,
you suck. You are brain washing my husband. We are about to have a baby,
in about three weeks actually, thank goodness it’s a girl, but if he
continues down this path of self-righteousness, which you have paved, I
may have to divorce him before the baby even gets here. That would make
my child born out of wedlock, for which I will hunt you down and hurt
you for!!! You should consider the greater consequences of your
actions. Please send me the antedote so I can return my husband to
the way he was and so I no longer have to put the toliet seat down
myself!

-A concerned wife

His response:
Badass! I’m making the world worse, one person at a time. Sexist
though? I love women!

Mine:
maybe not sexist, but idealistic? Believe me we are not trainable,
which is less than what i can say about men. You wait, there’s a leash
with your name on it out there. She will get you.

His:
I think she already has… I just got nagged at to “come back to bed.”
What can I say? My wang is in high demand.

…..

Then a couple of months ago, while he was on his book signing tour I found out he was going to be in Dallas….

Mine:
hi. I was curious if you would be interested in visiting a military
base. My husband is stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. We purchased your
book right after it came out and then passed it around his unit. They all
love it. Being in the military, they can’t really take the day off to
meet you at one of your scheduled signings. Would you come see us??
Thank you for your time!

His response:
Would love to, but it depends on how much time I have and which city
it’s close to. I’m going to be in Dallas tomorrow, but I get in a bit
later.. so I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. How far away is
it?

Mine:
From Dallas? A little more than 2 hours. How long are you going to
be in Dallas? We are closer to Waco, if you know where that is. We are
an hour from Austin.

His:
Bummer, it probably won’t happen today then. I was in Austin on
Tuesday, so that would have been a better time. Best regards to your
husband and his buddies.. maybe some day in the future I’ll be able to
come out again. Thanks

See….he loves me.

While having a nightly Yahoo Messenger chat with my good friend Alec, I came to realise he should NEVER have kids. EVER. I was going to write another list of 5 things, but at the moment it’s past midnight and Grace won’t go to sleep and I want to write something, so we will stick with the main reason why. Here is an excerpt from our conversation:
Heather Fowler: We are trying to tire our baby out
Heather Fowler: she’s being stubborn tonight
Alec Lea: a lil nyquil will do the trick
Alec Lea: or whisky
Heather Fowler: uh huh
Alec Lea: or 6 tylenol PM like i haveto take nightly
Heather Fowler: that’s why you shouldn’t have children

If this isn’t reason enough… he’s a pizza delivery boy who drives a 91 sentra. Yeah… that’s good enough for me.

…. I didn’t get up @ 7:45am, I was woke up. I went back to sleep until 9am. So there, you suck and got up earlier than me! Suck it!!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!

I was a little peturbed about being bashed for my opinions AGAIN and so I was sitting on the couch watching tv. Then I look to my right and saw my hubby looking so cute and sweet wearing his uniform, passed out. It made me laugh. Then I looked at Molly, the dog, laying with her head in his lap. Then I looked at my baby Grace alseep in my arms. She woke up and smiled at me. Then I realised. This blog doesn’t really mean a damn thing to me. I may not have a lot of hits, or have anything really to talk about all the time. But I have Lee and Grace, and that makes me happy. I love my family! Oh and in case I for some reason forgot to tell everyone earlier, Grace’s tooth is almost all the way in. And she loves to bite. Which sucks. My head still hurts.

I love Jesus.

* I put gay in “” because I mean in a slang way (ie-stupid, sucks, etc) not in a homosexual way, because gay people rule!*

I received a friend request from this girl so I went to her profile to check it out (unlike some “whores” on myspace, I like to like my friends. I don’t add bands or people who aren’t from this area). Anyway, her profile was covered with this floating layer. It had a pic of tom and said to view the profile I needed to download a “myspace viewer”. Being smart, I went to the forums and asked what it was instead of downloading it. Apparently, it a “trojan” (in reference to the Trojan horse, not the condom, I had this clarified) that will download a virus to your computer. I am beginning to wonder if I want to be on myspace anymore. First we have 12-16 year old girls prostituting themselves and getting people arrested and bands (and myspace “whores”) that want to add you just so they can have thousands of friends. Don’t be reeled in, they will never actually talk to you. Also, bulletins from people trying to sell you things or have you receive “free” gifts. Now, we have profiles that can destroy your computer if you aren’t smart. And let’s face it, not many people on myspace are smart. I use to think it was so cool and I did meet some military wives on there that I am friends with, but I am thinking about closing down my profile. No one talks to me anymore anyway because I don’t write in my blog there anymore (this one is 200% better) and I don’t fill my profile up with stupid crap that flashes and/or is glittery. Blah….