my trip to kirbyville texas was slightly awesome/sad and I am going to talk about it now

okay, I haven’t written in awhile, but it’s not my fault. I just spent the last 6 days in Kirbyville. I was only suppose to spend Thursday night through Monday morning but ended up going up Wednesday night and got home today. Why? Because life isn’t fair, that’s why. We had just gotten back from clearing out our old apartment and my Dad called. He asked for Lee (weird…) then Lee came and took the baby from me and handed me the phone and I knew something was up. The first thing my Dad said was that it wasn’t my mom, so I thought maybe my Grampy… he said no. He said my cousin Jonathon had passed away in a car accident. I dropped the phone, I have no idea what I was doing. I ran for the stairs, but only made it half way up and collapsed. I felt like my head was going to explode. Not John, he was only 25. We use to party together, have good times. He was going to meet my baby and husband for the first time at the family reuinion that was suppose to be on Sunday. NO. I jumped in my car an hour later and drove 5 hours home. I don’t remember driving. I was in shock. I think I still am. I went to the viewing, the funeral, the burial. But it still doesn’t seem real. I can tell myself over and over that he is dead, I can say it out loud and I can know that it’s true, but I still don’t FEEL it. You know? I still can’t comprehend it. It sucks. My sister died when she was 14. She would be 26 on Thursday. They were my mom’s and Aunt Nelda’s (her TWIN sisters) middle children. It just doesn’t seem right, fair. Anyway, I don’t feel like blogging anymore. I’ll write more about the trip tomorrow.